EMPTYNESS

EMPTY = VOID

BUT, also

EMPTY = Opportunity to fill the VOID

 

Sometimes experiences in life teach you things that otherwise you wouldn’t probably pay attention to or aren’t keen on understanding. Your beliefs, purpose of existence would be destroyed like it’s a world war going on around and inside you. This would shatter you to pieces which you wouldn’t recognize they were a part of you once upon a time. With that explosion, you are spread so apart that you wonder how to start putting it all together, from where and which piece goes where – the jigsaw is so weird that you feel like giving up.

The stage where you feel completely empty inside is so dangerous that you are speechless, not spellbound; numb, clueless, and directionless. All you feel is – PAIN where you don’t know what to fix and how to fix. Its when you feel a blackhole has taken a birth in you and you are stuck timelessly, it feels like you are a character in a multi-dimension movie with a director so bad who has no clue how to end the movie.

What do you do when you feel this?

 

The reason could be literally anything in life – love, family, career, friends or all or just YOU. At the end it is the feeling you feel so deep and consuming, not the cause in most of the numbness you go through.

Let’s just put it this way, I have my concerns spreading like a rainbow across all the categories. It’s just that it’s not as pretty a rainbow sadly. But so would be the case for many of us, not just me. Then why do I feel like something is dead inside? Are there more zombies out there like me?

The feeling of being lost in a long desert and stuck like there’s no help coming over and you are just counting your days. You go deep into a quicksand and slowly knowing you would be non-existent, but you have absolutely no need or feeling of trying to rescue yourself, you have accepted your fate and just getting ready to be consumed by the quicksand.

How do you feel when you have given so much in your life without much expectation in return or even receiving it, so much so that you give away a large chunk of your heart. And don’t know how to fix it as only lung can regenerate, not the heart.

And feel disabled, like a big hole in your chest where you don’t know who on the face of this earth can ever fix it! A doctor, a therapist, a construction guy, a tailor, a magician - who? How do you recover from this? Is there a way where with a snap this emptiness vanishes?

 

Empty vessels make more noises, but when the noises are inside you, the devil is staying in you as if it’s an AirBnB! How the hell do you oust an emptiness tenant?! Give notice?

A therapist will tell you to focus on things that get you engaged; keep you motivated but how do you do that when your focus is completely out of focus?

 

Now that I have elaborated too much on why EMPTY = VOID, can someone somehow show me how to see the opportunity to fill that void? The theory is known to me, it is the practicality which is challenging. Like it is said – it is easier said than done. And pls don’t indicate I’m super negative because I still can sense that there is an opportunity, just lacking a way there – got the WILL!

 

To all the soulless zombies out there – you are not alone. I’m in it with you.

 

EMPTY ZOMBIE

Galibe Vithaldas......

Kehte raho kehna hai jo tumhe...

Dil me rakhe kya karoge....

Labhzon ki jagah dil me toh nahi...

Aane do unhe zuban pe....

Humsafar toh kayi ayenge tumhari rahonme...

Par ai mere dost....

Dhundh lena tum apna humnawaz unhi kahi rahon me....


Gazab ko hoga woh samay jab samne ho jaam....
Haath me ho gajra....
Aur tum kar rahe ho mujra...

Ruled by the world? Or Rule the world?

Life is unfolded to us in phases. It throws at us a new challenge, a new set of rules…..

And we are expected to float in it. We are drifted to a new territory met by unknown environment, trying to cope up with the flow.

Are we trying to cope up to the give situation/ scenario?

Adaptability, I think that’s what a human tendency has been right from Stone Age!!!

But there comes a time when we analyze the situation, decide on certain game rules, pre-requisites & react accordingly. We get over it & again are prepared for the new challenge.

This is inbuilt in us which we tend to follow right from cradle to grave.

First phase: Baby

Challenges faced are; first walk, first word, responses to people around, acknowledging them, reacting to the warmth & love.

The anger, the tried & tested patience of mom running behind to do the needful, her efforts in order for you to be better in anticipation of what she knows what her baby’s going to face in the real world, to make her baby strong enough to be tolerant to the world’s ways.

Second phase: School

New friends, teachers, principal are new additions to your life.

Their new set of rules of how you are supposed to behave with them, whom to be friendly, whom do you respect. The value education imparted to us, the patriotic feeling imbibed in us, all Indians are my brothers & sisters.

Third phase: College

Again a new set of friends but different rules. Now all Indians are definitely not our brothers & sisters, they become our crushes, girlfriends, boyfriends, interests etc…!!!!

Other major possibilities being bunking lectures, disrespecting teachers, abusive & foul language, back stabbing, back bitching. Yet you have a group you hang out with, yet you have your bestest of friends belonging to this phase as you have experienced the bests & the worst, the highs & the lows of your life with them.

You learn in college that you can still co-operative & manage to live with all the bitterness & the differences you might have amongst yourselves.

  

Fourth phase: Post Graduation

New rules being strictness, responsible, formal; we are expected to be dynamic, be aware of ourselves & the world, the politics, the general knowledge. You are expected to know things important to you as well as things not important to you. You have good friends; socialize promptly to expand your network with genuine warmth, the bonding with friends, colleagues & mentors, professors.

Surviving the tsunami of the need to be a post graduate with experience prior to having any kind of experience! Trying to survive in the rat race in the age of unemployment even after having spent lacs & lacs of Rupees in order to make yourself worth the market rate or an attempt to be in a better position than others!!!!! But to your astonishment, you realize that you are again competing in another rat race of post graduates of, who can sugarcoat themselves (fake) the most, in order to sell themselves.  Trying to be perfect, not realizing that it’s really worth being what you really are. You can make the most of yourself, similar to how you made the most of yourself in all the phases you had in life. You sailed through.

I still haven’t understood why they ask your weaknesses in the interview, which will never be respected by them. We are expected to be perfect, sans any fault by default!! Also they expect us to have meaningful weaknesses if at all we have!!!

Fifth phase: Unbalanced worklife

Now that you have steered clear from fourth phase. Congratulate yourself; celebrate a while as you have passed a phase only to realize the nuances of the new phase.

Now the rules unfold, nobody is your friend!!!! All are just colleagues. If you try to bond too soon, it will be taken as you are intruding in their territory, robbing them of their privacy. You would be considered as a poky nose which in college life was mere genuine concern.

Here time frame is really important & not the genuine feelings or concern. Revealing any thoughts, feelings or experience would have to be validated with how much time you have spent in the organization, your team. Your designation, power would mean more than the mere thought or idea that might as well have that power to make a change for better.

Is this rule making the functioning of human life better or worse??

We have a protocol for every phase, be it from birth to the maturity; the evolution model known to mankind. Aren’t we trying to suppress all ourselves, including you; reading it?

Rules are meant for us as we created them, but today they are the core of our existence, our way of life.

Though rules are vital as otherwise the world would be a mess, lifestyle haywire. The mould of our personality carved out of the action, reactions of the society is the outcome of our social, psychological, sophisticated well being.

Though we live in a world where perfection is minutely judged, aimed for, admired, and appreciated; still we acknowledge the success of the most imperfect people.  Isn’t it a paradox?

Mark Zuckerberg – brought in the new way of life, Facebook.

Truth being that he had copied the whole idea from his classmates!

But of course, he built on to the idea, realized it, formulated it & created a big wave.

Bill Gates – drop out in academics went on to live his dream.

He once said “A classmate of his college days now works in his company!”

Steve Jobs – had many ups & downs in professional as well as personal life, ironically was thrown out of his own business for the well being of the business. He went on to create Dreamworks, Next & other goals to be chased. He was an unconventional man, more of a gut.

Jack Welch – a world renowned leader known for his astuteness, an eye for detail & extraordinary ways of doing things.

Einstein – was dyslexic; from being an imperfect ordinary man, went on to become the most intellectual person on earth. The IQ is benchmarked to his, his brain being mapped & studied!

Having known all of these, yet we aim for perfection in our rules to be followed, being the perfectly molded personality. But the truth for most of us being that the most successful people are the ones who break the trail of monotony, break the rules, innovate, follow their guts & heart.

A vision might be it, luck you may call it, sheer madness as it might be termed in the early stages. But is it really that? Or is it geniousness? The X-factor?

Perfection to the core will be like a machine, delivering in right amount, at right time; a robot also so as to exaggerate.

But isn’t the human element in us on the verge of extinction?

As they say ‘the show must go on’, it will. But shouldn’t we have any game changers? Trend changers? Embrace the imperfection, the change; break some rules if not many. But only for better, not worse.

State of Confidence

1^st Rule: Tu Bahot bada hain but MAIN bhi kuch hu.

2^nd Rule: Main Bada hu but TU bhi kuch hai.

1^st rule determines how to be confident.

2^nd rule sees to it that you don’t become overconfident.

Still too much influenced by western culture???

British people didn’t just go away; they left behind their ashes buried deep in the backbone of India.

Still India looks up to the western culture in various aspects…even after so many years of Independence.

It’s nothing wrong to look up to someone or anybody on that matter, but to what extent?? Will it ever reduce? Will India ever try to become a role model on its own…so that others would be influenced by us? Who will do it and how does one expect it to happen? Don’t you think we as an individual matter a lot as much as the nation as a whole in maintaining the image of our nation?

Our imports have always been more than our exports, the reason being we Indians trust more on outsiders than our own nationalites ! We want all branded clothes whereas we don’t think of developing a brand of our own with comparable quality, is it impossible??

 

Recently I watched a movie Mission Impossible 4, and I loved the movie but not the way in which India was put across…Mr.Anil Kapoor did a role of a pervert (thadki) no wonder he did justice to the role and acted well but on the expense of portraying India to be a flesh addict!!!

Was there any need to take up such a role just to get a Hollywood assignment and to publicize himself or India as the case maybe? Is it worth it? Should he have done it?

Such questions will always be of debate and an individual choice.

 

Few years down the line do you still see yourself influenced by the western culture to such an extent so as to blur your own identity?

Being loved or to love – what’s more important?

There might be instances where you expect something out of something or someone…

But to your despair those desires aren’t fulfilled, so what? Should we just give up? Sulk? Or are there any ways other than being sorry or feeling just not content with whatsoever…

Maybe these things will give you new energy to drive u n lead u to a new destination all together….but the feelings just refuse to go away, how much ever u try….how much ever u want to feel the same way….u just can’t n can’t help it either….

There will be times when how much ever u love a person…..it’s just not enough for that person  n u wonder whether u loved enough??? But when the feelings are true….u know that there’s no switch for u to turn off or for the power of love to just cut off….or rather just expect a fuse diffuse!!!!

But trust me rather than just resisting the feeling of loving someone which will do no good to you…it’ll just add on to ur burden of trying to reduce the feeling….

So better keep feeling the way u feel….as it is nobody can control whom to love, how much to love, in what way to love…n so on….nor u n neither the person whom u love can change or stop it..

Keeping the fuel burning in the lamp n feeling the heat n light is more important than thinking who lit the lamp n to whom it’s providing heat to… so it’s not bad to feel in a way for someone n keep feeling the same way without expecting from the other end……it’ll surely give u a feeling of satisfaction n contentness which u MIGHT not feel ever for any other person.

It’s not necessary for the person whom you love to be there for you always, by ur side… it’s fine even if he/she doesn’t love u… but u do at least… don’t stop loving just bcoz ur not loved…. Loving someone also gives immense pleasure n satisfaction only if u know how much to expect n how much to love….

Long back I had read somewhere that “u should be with a person who loves u, than with whom u love, as u can learn to love but u can’t teach to love” ….. beautiful right??? But then now I think what if there’s no one to love u? then wud u stop loving the one whom u do? Can u? so better stop trying so hard to be loved n continue the way u love bcoz u might feel better…

Many people just have a feeling that wish they were loved or them to love somebody but at least u got one feeling of knowing what the feeling is….. cherish that, maybe till forever… but once u started cherishing it n falling in love with the feeling of loving someone….trust me u’ll love yourself….now look at the bright side….u love someone….n someone loves u (urself)…..

World might turn upside down, u may never know when n how??? U might not be able to manipulate things but u’ll know, u feel truly only when u still feel the same way even after the world turning upside down…sides changing…partners changing….still…..feelings….feelings…the same….so let it be….the feelings at least if not the person!!!!

Love stories – To live it or leave it?

        

I was a kid then but this topic is so common from kids to seniors.

As a child I was taught to love n show affection towards everybody, maybe I’ll teach my child the same but what’s the reality?

Does so much of love & affection exist? Even if we show our caring, are we greeted back the same way?

I grew on mills & boons big time & I’m just dazzled by these writers who can pen down such minute details of a person’s feelings. And the prince charming coming on a white horse is so typical to think of, that girls are now thinking of white merc than a horse, right?

But do they even exist? Or are they hidden in coal mines to be easily found down in the dark? World has definitely turned to something else where it reflects shades of grey, so now the prince is out there in grey suit I guess.

Now the world is so politically correct that there’s hardly any space left for concern of anybody’s feelings.

Relationships are developed, there’s closeness like there’s nothing on earth that can part you but things turn sour just for you to realize that things can go wrong; there can be bitterness which is just ready to strangle you to the core. Then once adored & loved relation’s status is updated to: simply can’t share what’s the thing, as you enjoyed doing before. Why is this bitterness? Can’t things be solved with the same feelings from where you think while starting a relationship than working up the politically & morally correct MIND? Why can’t people go wrong where you forget that you are also a same product all together?

Though you want to feel the same, things change around you & so do the people, but the real question is will you feel the same for anybody else? Have the same kind of friendship, trust, love, affection?

Will your heart start beating fast just as it use to at a glimpse of that person & you to still pretend as its just because of not have had anything since morning?

If such is a life diary then what are those books & movies about which show you just a dream & then you need to come to your senses just to realize the way the world works & then do the same thing which I just criticized here. Is it worth the turmoil we go through? Can’t relationships take a better shape so as to maintain its respect & dignity? Now having a relationship is not that great as maintaining it, now that's a task.

Is love enough for the relationship to sustain? Or you need compatibility? Time? Respect? Nurturing? Caring? What is that exact mix that will assure a good & stable relationship? Or still it’ll be short of something? Still everything will go for a toss? You never know, you will never know. This leads to an insecurity which is hard to deal with & is certainly your next ingredient for a failed relationship ahead.

So what are the do’s & don’ts? Answers awaited!!!!!!